Why Are You Still Single?
Posted On Monday, January 26th, 2009 By admin
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This is a question so many people ask themselves and their friends. But do we really listen to our friend’s constructive answers, or do we just keep on repeating the same scenarios over and over again and end up alone without making the slightest change? Friends that have tried to help you, are not saying things for their benefit, but are trying to help you solve your dating problems, especially if you are sabotaging your chance of happiness over and over. As Dr.Phil says, “How’s that working for you?”
We have heard many women say: “there are no guys in this town?” or from a single guys perspective, “all the girls in this city are materialist gold-diggers!” I was guilty of some of those comments in the past but now realize that I was the one in charge of putting the pheromones out! We are all in charge of ourselves, and who we let into our lives. If you are always ending up with someone who doesn’t want to commit, it is best to stop beating yourself up and getting angry about it. Look at what pattern you may have created. Not ALL people in your city are commitment phobic…Have you ever thought maybe, YOU ARE? Maybe you have a fear of a relationship actually working!
What are you putting out there when you initially meet someone? Are you too available? Too pessimistic that they won’t call, or it will end in two dates? If you think you are not worthy they will eventually agree with you. Please don’t use the line “who would want me”? ” I haven’t been laid in a year”…Those two lines are not exactly going to put you on their speed dial! Whatever you put out to people you meet, is going to set the path, you start out on. If you are constantly feeling sorry for yourself and waiting for the next person to walk away (again), guess what? THEY WILL! Who wants to be around a non-confident person all the time. Men and women want a little bit of a challenge and really do not want to walk all over a prospective partner.
Have you really looked at what you are looking for in someone? Is your list a mile long with looks and finances being number 1? Are the words “potential, kind, driven, compassionate or thoughtful” on that list? Do they have to be perfect right from the start? Are YOU perfect?
After the first date do you open your eyes to all that transpired?
Did they respect your time?
Did you share the conversation equally?
Were they shy or cocky?
Were you too needy, sharing every insecurity or secret or health problem?
Did you cook for them or spoil them too much?
Do you wait by the phone for the next call?
Too many expectations, too quickly?
Did they say sorry if they were a little late or did they call respectfully with any changes?
Many people look for the wallet or a person with a high-powered career as top priority. Does your bank account match theirs? Why would you have these expectations if yours is not equal? What makes you think they would want to date you? It blows me away to hear the checklist of so many single people. The expectations alone are enough to keep you single for ever.
Many people DO NOT want to hear your honesty when they tell you about a date that went wrong. They want to keep thinking they are NOT the problem and everyone else is…It’s a very sad merry go round that so many single people do not know how to get off! Listening to friends and family that sincerely love you, will eventually help you to see clearly the mistakes you have made. Sometimes when chatting with an acquaintance or a stranger, they can help by making gentle observations to you. It may feel less judgmental from them, than a best friend or parent…
Summary:
Try not to go in too fast sexually
Remove any expectations for the first month
Be open and lose the archaic rule book…women do ask men out now too!
Have a checklist that is reasonable and not all about looks and finances!
Dress for your date and the occasion, take pride in your looks
Make sure your chat time is equal and you find out as much about them as they know about you.
Go slow, reveal yourself in small amounts. (They don’t need to know you had a boob job on the 1st date!)
Be confident and fake it if you are not, it can help you will learn along the way
Don’t play The Princess or [tag-tec]Big Shot[/tag-tec, even if you did have dinner with Donald Trump the night before
No Bragging or name dropping!
Please do not bring up any Ex's or stories that go with them...No one cares!
Intimidation tactics do not belong on a date, maybe a boardroom but not in relationships
Sarcasm is not cute and only funny with the boys and a case of beer
Don't settle due to age or a biological clock for baby making
Be selective but not unreasonable, it is important to remember than most of us are far from being a 10 ourselves.
Have fun, smile and most of all enjoy meeting new people who may bring something to your life you never thought possible! xoxo the beavers
