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Who seriously wants to be single during Valentines Day or through the Christmas / New Years holidays? Chances are that list is a short one, but all too often couples that are struggling in their relationship decide to break up just before these “big” events.

What is the psychology behind this thinking? The answer is that commitment becomes the forefront of the relationship around major holidays and people are often forced to come to terms with how they really feel about their partners.

Valentines Day is associated with love and romance, so if you aren’t feel it, then it will only amplify the stress fracture in your relationship’s foundation. The Christmas & New Year’s holidays are associated with family, love, caring, sharing, giving, celebrations, and for those who are not feeling confident in their relationships, this can be a heart wrenching time. Sometimes they panic and just jump ship. Sometimes they hang on through the holidays and then break it off with their partner just shortly after.

The problem with this is that it is twice as hard on the person who gets let go of. We all know that 90% of the time when people break up the recipient of the bad news is “the last one to know” and often is quite shocked. Add that to doing the deed just before a major holiday or time of celebration and you’ve offered up a double whammy. Not to mention it is super embarrassing to have to tell your family and friends that your boy/girlfriend broke up with you just before Christmas or Valentines Day!

If you are in that kind of situation now, and with Valentines Day fast approaching, please consider how hard this will be on the one you are thinking of breaking up with. Nobody wants to visit the Heartbreak Hotel. Decide if this is really just you feeling pressured by the upcoming national celebration of love day, or if it’s something much deeper that is making you consider moving on without them.

Please have a conversation with them and talk about the things that you feel are wrong with your relationship. Please do not wait until two days before any major event to tell them you can’t be with them anymore. And please, for crying out loud, do NOT break up with them over the phone or by sending them a text message! If you do, you will go down in flames with not only your ex, but also anybody s/he tells about it. Another really horrible thing to do is to start dating somebody else before you break up with your current partner. I’ve been both the culprit and the recipient of this scenario, and trust me when I tell you it is THE most hurtful thing you could possibly do to another emotionally.

It is THE hardest thing to tell somebody face to face that it is over – you are done – you can’t be with them anymore. On the flip side, you will be respected, you will get to properly hear their thoughts on what is wrong with the relationship, you might learn a thing or two about yourself that makes you a better person and you will both be better people for dealing with it in a mature manner.

Who knows, maybe all the things you thought you could not change are in fact easily fixed. Maybe you will discover that a time out is the answer, rather than a full-blown ”I bought you a one way ticket to Lonelyville.” Maybe you will discover that your partner is also feeling that it is time to move on. If you don’t ask the questions, you will not get the answers that help you and your partner move forward, whether it’s together or apart.

Cheers, Sandra.